Well, bless her heart: Paris has made an attempt to be friendly, albeit only briefly. Every summer for one month, the city of Paris brings the beaches of the south of France to the city. Along the banks of the Seine, a faux beach is created, complete with sand, beach chairs, palm trees, umbrellas, cafés, sand castles, beach activities… And a view. As corny as it may sound it’s actually rather remarkable. If your pocketbook isn’t deep enough to get yourself to St. Tropez or any other inflated beach resort for the summer and you are stuck in Paris during the depths of the July and August heat, Paris Plages is a charming refuge.
Here’s the best part and most unusual part: It’s free! Yes, you heard me, something in Paris is free! Now you can take your €20 Uber to the banks of the Seine, take in some sun in your €120 Eres maillot, snack on your €14 ham and cheese baguette, sip your €22 rosé, and bask in the glory that you are sitting in a free beach chair at a free beach in Paris.
*Something you don’t know about me? Yesterday morning I woke up and immediately thought I was going to die. I’m not even over exaggerating or even overreacting. Why? As you know, or maybe you don’t know, one of the perks of having ALS is that getting a respiratory illness can prove fatal. My muscles are not strong enough to cough so my lungs can become quickly filled with… You know what. We have had these emergencies a few times which result in 15 paramedics in my bedroom sticking tubes down my throat and up my nose trying to suction out the culprit. Not sexy. To say that it is terrifying is an understatement.
As soon as I opened my eyes yesterday morning, I felt it coming on. My nose was stuffy, my breathing was labored and my chest was heavy. My first thought? Fuuuuuuck. My second thought? Panic at the disco. My third thought? Ellie, you’re going to have to save yourself. So I decided to do as Hippocrates and “let food be thy medicine”… With a side of pharmaceuticals. First things first, I thought I would double down on my feeding tube formula which happens to be a concoction of the healthiest foods on earth. The formula is called Liquid Hope and it is a whole foods meal replacement which honestly, I think everyone should take. It is a blend of vegetables, whole grain brown rice, flaxseed oil, quinoa, almond butter, kale, garlic, tumeric, rosemary, ginger and wakama (Japanese seaweed). After that, I upped my dosage of Haelen 951 which is pure fermented soy juice. Next up, I made sure I had a continual cup of hot lemon water with local honey, tumeric and ginger and my usual cup of hot chai tea with vanilla soy milk was always on hand. Not to do anything in moderation, I continued to assault my symptoms with my famous green juice.
Let’s talk about juicing, shall we? How can anyone go through their day without juicing? It’s so easy and so beneficial (and you won’t feel so bad about smoking cigarettes… Just kidding!). Once a week, we go to the farmers market and stock up on all of the fresh organic vegetables, fruits and such… Spinach, celery, fennel, cucumber, apples, oranges, lemon, kale (not easy in Paris), beets, ginger, cilantro and whatever else is fresh and in season. We bring it home, chop it up, put it in plastic bags and freeze it so it is ready to go at a moment’s notice. Our secret weapon is a dash of tumeric. We also add coconut oil, flaxseed oil and love.
Last but not least, I took one of my emergency crazy pills to suppress the panic attack. To bore me to sleep, I watched an episode on HGTV’s Beach Flip, which did its job and I was asleep within 10 minutes. By the way, why would anyone want to watch a show about renovating a kitchen on a budget? Gross. I don’t want to watch people choosing quartz countertops from Home Depot or flooring from Lumber Liquidators. Don’t you think it’s more fun to watch rich people (with their decorators) choose marble countertops à la Kelly Wearstler, flooring from Exquisite Surfaces or faucetry from Compas. I do. But don’t get me wrong, I do love an IKEA kitchen in a pinch but watching HGTV’s Beach Flip was actually painful.
Anyway, the moral to my story is that food works, food heals. After eight hours of pummeling my body with organic everything and a much needed nap, I woke up and was cured. I swear to God. Sinuses clear, no coughing, no trouble breathing… Fresh as a daisy, ready to tackle the world and insult as few people as I can throughout the day (it’s a challenge). I also have to admit that the crazy pill did its job alleviating my stress so that I could mentally get my mind around getting healthy. Voilà! Thank you kale and wakame.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s summer series: Hint: "La Balanguera misteriosa, com una aranya d’art subtil, buida que buida sa filosa de nostra vida treu lo fil. Com una parca bé cavil-la teixint la tela per demà.”-Joan Alcover I Maspons (1854-1924)